The Hat Shop

Have you ever felt like you are playing a part that is not yours or one that you don't identify with anymore?

In life I realised we go through different roles as if we are wearing different hats. Every hat represents an aspect and identity of us. 

For me I wear the daughter hat, the mum hat, the wife hat, the friend hat there is also the blogger hat, the charity worker hat, the teacher hat..... and so on.

So many hats, each one brings forward a part of me that is different and unique from the others, each one has sets of skills, dreams and aspirations.

Sometimes I feel like I have multiple personalities because for example when I wear the mum hat I'm so anxious and overwhelmed however when I wear my teacher hat I'm focused and composed.

For so long I thought there is something wrong with me as the feeling of my true identity and true personality was becoming vague and hazy so I decided that I have to choose one hat to wear and identify with all the time.

As I wore that hat I liked it at the beginning, feeling like I fit in a box easily, making those around me feeling comfortable about how predictable I can be. 

Because I only wore this hat I started suppressing some aspects of my self that might not be in line with that particular hat, when I feel suffocated I push that hat in place more and convince myself that this one has to fit, has to last and other hats won't do.

The hat started to get tighter and uncomfortable, but I couldn't take it off or change the hat with another one out of fear that this hat is my only identity and that if I lose it I'll lose all what I know and risk lose all my loved ones.

I also had so much guilt thinking that this hat been serving people in my life for so long now, if I take it off or change it, I'll be giving up on them.

The reality is, that hat was needed at a certain stage of my life but it hasn't been growing with me, it actually hindered me from growing in ways I aspire to.

It's sad to imagine that some people live all their lives too scared to discover the different hats that life has to offer them. 

They keep convencing themselves that there is only one side to their personality and that only one hat defines them. 

What is even sadder is they might never experience joy in life because they are too frightened to try on a different hat that could truly bring them happiness and fulfilment.

I hate to be one of those people, and I know changing hats can be uncomfortable experience especially to those who like to fit people in boxes and feel threatened with the slightest change, but only those who dare to take risks are the ones who can appreciate the view from top of the mountain.

So I'm slowly lifting the hat up, putting it aside and stepping into the hat shop where I'll be trying on and wearing different hats, accepting them all , embracing what they have to offer and excited for them to bring forward the unique aspects of me that I neglected for so long back to life again.